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Dear Birthmother: While we cannot truly understand what you are going
through as you consider an adoption plan, we appreciate the love you
have for your child. We hope that this letter will inspire you to want
to meet us so we can hear your story and start to get to know each other. We don't like to avoid difficult subjects, so let's just address the "gay thing" right away! Abby came out at the age of 14, and Daliah at 29. Although our coming out experiences may seem different, we share some important basics. Most importantly, both of our families are incredibly supportive of our relationship. All our siblings are delighted to have each gained a sister, and our parents have warmly embraced their new daughters. We are extremely comfortable with ourselves, and we see our "gayness" as just another part of who we are. We both really like people and have found that if we are warm, open and honest with those that we come into contact with, they tend to respond well to us. We have not really experienced any negative responses to our being a couple, even though we are "out" to family, friends and co-workers. Adoption has always been our first and only choice in expanding our family. We each simply know it is the right thing for us and the right thing for our future child. We believe that, just as we were lucky enough to find a perfect partner in each other, our "perfect" child will soon come into our lives. We often remind each other that "you are not a perfect person, just perfect for me" and the same will be true of the child we adopt. We know that when we meet our child's birthparent(s), we will all know in our hearts it was meant to be. We believe that our experiences being gay have prepared us well for an open adoption. In the same way that we feel no shame or secrecy in who we are, we hope to pass that along to our child and instill a sense of pride in being adopted. We are also used to creating a "chosen family." Our close friends have risen to the ranks of "family member" over the years, and we open our home to them for holidays, celebrations and simple gatherings. We are ready to extend this title to the birthparents of the child we adopt, and we welcome them (you???!) into our life. Who is Abby? Abby grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, the youngest of three. A lively and athletic child, she could usually be found surrounded by other kids, organizing a game of softball. Abby's family continues to be very close. Her sister, Susan, lives in Chicago, her brother, Marc, just outside the city, and her mom is in a nearby suburb. The family—along with spouses, cousins and assorted others—gathers regularly, and Abby and Daliah love to take their niece and two nephews out for adventures in the big city! Adam, Justin and Lauren are excited about their new cousin; Adam and Justin have offered basketball and bike-riding lessons, and Lauren will coordinate outfits! As well as adoring her family and friends, Abby is an animal lover. She can't believe her luck that she gets to run a cat shelter as her full-time job! She spends her days helping people find the right cat for them to bring into their homes, and she finds her work to be very rewarding. People are drawn to Abby. She is always joking and smiling, but her warm, compassionate side is never too far from the surface. Her idea of bliss is a house full of people, a ton of food on the grill and a Bears game on TV. Who is Daliah? Daliah was born in London, England (yes, she has an accent) and is in the middle of two brothers. Although John and Dan live in London and Tel Aviv, they are very close and manage to see each other at least once a year. Daliah's dad also lives in Israel. Her family chooses to view the geographical distance between them as a good excuse to travel. Last year, we all met up in New York; next year will be in Israel. We are dying to visit Disney World again, but we've all agreed to wait until our child is old enough to enjoy it. Daliah fell in love with Chicago soon after moving here in 1992. She became a registered nurse in 1996, and spent seven years working in labor and delivery. During that time, she helped deliver close to 1,000 babies, and she was even lucky enough to be involved in a birth resulting in an open adoption. During the past four years, Daliah has managed a community health center that provides affordable medical care to people without insurance. She loves that her work is so meaningful and that she gets to work with a wonderful group of people who are as committed as she is to helping others. She also loves tending to the day-to-day bumps, bruises and runny noses of those around her, both at work and at home. Who Are We Together? We make each other laugh every single day, and often end up clutching our bellies with tears streaming down our faces. Times spent with each other are truly the best of times because we enjoy each others' company so much. We believe in honesty and open communication. We talk to each other, we respect each other, and we really, really like each other. We never let problems build up; we find it much easier to deal with an issue right away before it becomes something much bigger. We also find that most things are easier with a heavy dose of humor. The city has so much to offer, and we try to make the most of it. You don't have to go far to explore a different culture and try a new cuisine, and we find ourselves going on international adventures in the city several times a month. Time spent at home provides a good balance for us. Daliah keeps herself busy with all sorts of projects, from sewing to baking to fixing a leaky faucet. She will attempt any kind of crafts, and although her skill level is not far beyond finger painting and macaroni art, she still has a good time with it. Abby reads the Sun Times every day and loves watching sports on TV—any sport, any team, she's not picky! We own a house on Chicago's north side, on a quiet tree-lined street with a park a block away. It almost feels like our little neighborhood is Chicago's best kept secret—a tiny pocket of how things used to be. Children play outside, birds sing in the trees, squirrels chase each other and bunnies hop across the lawns. Neighbors know each other by name, and we sit on each others' front porches in the summer. There is a neighborhood Halloween parade for our kids and pets, and the stream of trick-or-treaters goes on for hours. Like most of our neighbors, we decorate our home so that kids (big and small) know to stop by for treats. Another wonderful aspect of our neighborhood is that it is already home to several adopted children, including one with two mothers. We couldn't be happier that we will be bringing a child into such a welcoming environment. As you can probably guess from Abby's job, we share our home with cats. All of our cats came from the shelter where Abby works, and we spoil them rotten. They repay us by keeping our feet warm at night and by entertaining us with their antics. Moose is a neighborhood favorite, not only because few people have ever seen a 20 pound cat, but also because he loves people as much as we do. Every now and again, Abby will bring home orphaned kittens that need to be bottle-fed during the night. We figure that getting up to feed one baby will be a piece of cake after taking care of a litter of five. We believe in contributing to our community, both close to home and further away. Beyond our jobs, we have traveled to Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina to volunteer with an animal rescue organization, we've participated in neighborhood clean-ups, and we enjoy attending fundraising events. We hope to share this value and the satisfaction it brings us with our child. Abby and Daliah as Parents We are, of course, incredibly excited to become parents. Our families can't wait for the latest addition to the clan, and our friends are already signing up for babysitting shifts! Our child will be exposed to a diverse group of people who will love them. Daliah's family is originally from Iran (although she has never been there) and Abby's family is of Eastern European descent. Our "chosen family" is quite diverse: white, black and shades in between, straight and gay, male and female, coupled and single, younger and older. Each member is special to us, and every person in our life is very supportive of our plan to adopt. For childcare, we plan to "keep it in the family." Daliah will take maternity leave first, and Abby will take some time off after Daliah returns to work. Both of us will then cut back to working 4 days a week, and Abby's mother will fill in with childcare as needed, just as she did for her other grandchildren. Lois is a loving, hands-on Grandma who can't wait to get back to diaper duty! Our child rearing goal is a simple one. We hope to raise a happy child, one who will go on to become a happy adult. This is the single most important thing to us. We don't have any expectations in terms of academic achievement, athletic ability, or popularity. We want our child to have the space to become his or her own self, whether that turns out to be a rocket scientist or a tap dancer. We have both public and private schools within easy distance of our home and, while we are already exploring all of them, we recognize that we need to first get to know our child before we can understand which school will be the best fit. We have each enjoyed and appreciated unconditional love and acceptance from our own parents and we will give the same to our child. Thank you for letting us share our story. We are honored to be considered as adoptive parents, and we assure you that we do not take this responsibility lightly. We feel we have a lot to offer a child, including daily laughter, hugs and kisses. We look forward to learning more about you and hearing your story, and perhaps finding a way for our stories to merge. Please call us at 1-866-569-1212 or send us an e-mail at daliah.abby@gmail.com. If you prefer, you can contact our adoption counselor Tobi Ehrenpreis at 1-800-869-1005. Warmest wishes, About
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